Melancholy...

Suddenly i feel...lonely..as if loneliness is part of me rite now..Sometimes i feel so down...sometimes i feel like im about to die in juz few minutes...sometimes i feel like going away,somewhere...sometimes i lose control in many things...sometimes i wish n wish that...argh..i dunno...im sick that me think like this...please gimme the motivation n hope...

I juz envy some people who are so happy with their life...I wish mine would be the same too...*sigh*..Stop all this craps at once Cuda. You should be grateful for the life that you have now,much much better compared to some people. Forgive me..Ya Allah..Im juz a small creature living in this world,trying to survive n keeping up with things..After all, im still alive, still breathing..Alhamdulillah..

my birthday

Halooo my dear readers...Im back,after a while.I guess im not in the mood of writing yet (u know you get to have the feeling first when it comes to writing).Hmm..i juz returned from a short vacation in Langkawi island.N,unfortunately,i left my hp in the car during those few days.Hmm,i bet i would get many besday messages when i came back.

Yup,yesterday was my birthday.I was born on the 13th of january,1980,at 8.45am.U know what happened?i caught flu,cold,cough n also fever...what a hepi celebration for me..N still,im recovering from it gradually.How uncomfortable it is to experience all those so called sickness,perfect n in a full package.

Hepi besday to me!!!Yeah,im 30 years old.WHAT?Still i cant believe it.Juz like Bella said,"I'm aging"..No wonder she's so worried bout getting older every single day,when edward remains the same.But in my case,i have nothing to be worried of coz,i get no edward.huhu..what a luck(if u can call that!)

When i checked my fb account last nite,to my surprise,i got so many besday wishes.Some were from my ex students,my students,my friends n my colleagues too.Tq very much for all the wishes.I hope they will come true.What about my own hope n wish?Hmm..it's the same juz like my resolutions for 2010..the same.

I hope,ill be a better person.InsyaAllah..im trying hard towards it.Rite now,im in phascination phase..trying to change myself gradually..so ill be a mellow person..HEPI BESDAY TO ME,CUDA...May HAPPINESS be with u n May ALLAH bless u always...i love myself no matter what...n only i know myself better..

CUDA..

New year is approaching...n im waiting for Eclipse..

Salam...n hi my dear readers..It's been quite a while for me to visit my own blog and share my thoughts here.Hmmm...the issue here is,of coz non other than NEW YEAR 2010 n MY NEW RESOLUTION,if i have any.

Talking about 2009, personally,it's a NEW MOON for me. Well, i moved out from Malacca to Sg Petani,Kedah. I got transferred from Malacca Matriculation College to Penang Matriculation College.I've started living as a single parent.I got many new friends(hahahah...some share the same interests like me), n not to forget i've started a brand new ME here,a new life. There're many ups and downs throughout this year, which i wont forget at all.Sad and happy times, in which i had to go thru. Ive learnt a lot. Ive woken up from my dream. I noticed things that i didnt notice before,things that i hardly pay any attention on it...Hmm..in some ways,im a better person.I dont depend on others, i do things on my own.Like i said, sometimes im rather a selfish person. But,i believe i do that for a gud reason.

What's my hope?My dream?My goal?My so called resolution?Ive been in the intense ship, when i forced myself to do things that i know i couldnt do. So intense, so indulge in it. So, this time around, i'll try to achieve as many goals as i can. No harm in trying. Therefore, my new year's resolutions are:

1. I hope n wish i would be a better person, inside n outside, mentally n physically.My inner side shud improve, i hope.

2. I wish i could be a better mum to my lovely kids,afiq n fatin. I should be someone they could rely on, during their hard times, n we share our happy n sad moments together.

3. I wish i could find ways to improve my time management skills, apart from my financial management.huhu..really need to cut down my budget n expenses on outing, movies, dining out n books!!!

4.I wish i could meet someone new...hmm..edward?or jacob?Naah, i dun mind..both are fine for me..Juz need to find my own starlight, to reconcile the violence in my heart.

5. I wish my kids would be a better person, gud muslim n muslimah..n luv me,for i love them only God knows..

6. My last wish, i wish the three of us could stay together n nothing could separate us, "TILL DEATH DO US APART".

So, those are my wish for 2010..n i'll try to make it a reality. InsyaAllah..With God's Will...Amin. Peace to All, HEPI NEW YEAR!!!!

midnight sun..

Ive been reading the partial of Midnight Sun,the next book of the Twilight saga, written by non other than my favourite vampire romantic author, Stephenie Meyer. This is from Edward's point of view..n i found it is very fascinating, having to read what he thinks is something interesting. He is sexy, very classical in a way. I juz cant imagine a character like him in this real world, exists somewhere out there. I cant wait. Im waiting for the book to be released, so eager...enuff to make me cant sleep, after reading the 12 chapters of the 5th book.

I hope Stephenie will change her mind. N do hope that she'll get her mood back. Coz, it's so beautiful, the way she described Edward..Arghh..i dunno how to explain this..all i know is, it's to die for...Midnight Sun...n Edward...Well, u can read it urself thru this link...Enjoy n Chillax!!

http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/midnightsun.html

in some ways..

wanna share this..WHAT?They are done with eclipse?Seriously?I cant wait for it now..for June 2010.Well,like Taylor,i also love Eclipse among all the books.I dunno why im so attached to the saga. After my 1st time reading Twilight, recommended by my ex student,Daya, i found Bella n i share many similarities..we are the same in some ways. She is passionate, stubborn, strong willed and not to forget,clumsy.

When she says, she wants something, she really works to get it and she doesnt care bout other things anymore. I guess, im like Bella...Stephanie managed to describe her, so she looks like a very complicated girl who has a simple personality yet extraordinary. Yeah,she is so Bella..so like me.

The difference is, i dun get the chance to choose between Edward or Jacob. Coz, i dun have neither Edward nor Jacob in my life.Should it be one of them exist in my life, i would like to choose Edward, the cold one...but i dun miss a thing when i have a bestfriend like Jacob by my side.

Well, the saga continues...ill be waiting for it. Time flies so fast..i wont even notice it..So juz wait for Eclipse to come..

arghhh..

There goes my 1st match...i lose the game..but there are some more coming.I really hope i'll win it, to claim what ive lost..huhu..TQ my H1T2 students for the support..Well,some of the girls came to show their supports to their beloved lecturer(who else,IT'S ME!!)...TQ once again..