Twilight mode..

Yesterday, i watched TWILIGHT again for uncountable times. Suddenly, Edward Cullen reminds me to, how much i miss him. I miss him in the TWILIGHT saga, the gorgeous n handsome vampire, the most considerate and selfless creature, as described by Stephenie Meyer. I know it is impossible to find a guy like him. But, there's nothing wrong with dreaming and wishing for one, that almost fulfills all the criteria. If not all.

Well as for me,I never wanna be Bella. Bella sacrifices her own mortal life to be an immortal, a vampire. She is willing to risk her own life n everything, for the one she loves. Well, i might not do the same but i have my own definition of sacrifice(if mine are counted in) for the ones i love. I wont turn down my own family,for sure. Family, is there, whenever i feel down and sad. They are not guilty for every incident and tragedy that happened in my life so far. Im the one who seek for it. It's me, to be blamed for.

I never meant to hurt others' feelings. Sometimes, i face my own difficulty of life, despite having my family, there are many things that i cant tell them, cant share with them. I turn to this negative side of me. I know im not that bad...sometimes, the rebellious thoughts and actions, all the reckless and stupid acts, linger over me.

All i want, all i wish...my loved ones to be happy..even if im not happy, im willing to swallow all the pains. No matter how bitter they are. To cause more n more pains or troubles is never in my intention. I juz had my bad days too...To be this loud isnt my intention too. Im juz looking for ways to reduce the bad feelings that i have. Waiting for my friends to gimme the support coz if i fail this time around, im gonna take almost forever to heal the pain. Almost unbearable. Almost.

All these quotes mean a lot to me:

I was consumed by the mystery Edward presented. And more than a little obsessed by Edward himself.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 3, p.67

I was consumed by the mystery Edward presented. And more than a little obsessed by Edward himself.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 3, p.67

I can’t imagine why that would be frustrating at all — just because someone refuses to tell you what they’re thinking, even if all the while they’re making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating?...
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 5, p.90

I was completely absorbed, except for one small part of my mind that wondered what Edward was doing now, and trying to imagine what he would be saying if he were here with me.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 6, p.117

I didn’t know if there ever was a choice, really. I was already in too deep. Now that I knew — if I knew — I could do nothing about my frightening secret. Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 7, p.139

It was hard to keep up — his sudden mood changes left me always a step behind, dazed.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 13, p.266

I didn’t like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 9, p.190

He was a different Edward than the one I had known. And I felt all the more besotted by him. It would cause me physical pain to be separated from him now.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 13, p.283

I’m feeling extremely insignificant.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 15, p.326

Stay, Edward, stay with me…
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 23, p.456

I couldn’t cry yet, I told myself. I still had a long way to go. Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 22, p.439

I had to accept that I wouldn’t see Edward again, not even one last glimpse of his face to carry with me to the mirror room. I was going to hurt him, and I couldn’t say goodbye.Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 21, p.431

But it won’t be all right when I’m not with you.Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 19, p.396

I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now.Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 19, p.39

All was silent for a long moment. The living descendants of magic and legend stared at one another across the fire with sadness in their eyes.Bella Swan, Eclipse, Chapter 11, p.259

You really do want to keep me, no matter how I turn out?Bella Swan, Eclipse, Chapter 12, p.273

You’re in every thought I have. Bella Swan, Eclipse, Chapter 19, p.413

Okay, look, Edward. Here’s the thing… I’ve already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. And I can’t stand it if you leave me again.Bella Swan, Eclipse, Chapter 19, p.419

You’ve always seemed more like a dream than reality.Bella Swan, Eclipse, Chapter 23, p.513

I dunno what to write anymore.Maybe im juz out of words. This is me. If i ever hurt ur feeling, im very sorry for everything that i said n caused u to feel all the unwanted feelings. I would never want to hurt anybody's feeling. People can change...u might not notice it, but others can see the changes. Sorry people for my bad n down days...feeling a bit low..too low.

CUDA..